


Can't Stop Loving You

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Comfort, Heartbreak, M/M, Nicky loves Shane, One Shot, Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s), Shnicky - Freeform, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the birth of his daughter, Shane realizes he has to end his relationship with Nicky</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Stop Loving You

Shane stood behind the glass window, staring intently into the hospital nursery. A female Nurse had just placed his daughter into a small cot. The pink notice above her stated 'I'm a Girl. My name is Nicole'. Shane smiled and placed his hand on the glass.

"Takes us back a few, doesn't it?" A voice from behind pulled Shane from his daydreaming.  
"Yeah" Shane replied. "Though, it means a lot more to me this time, Ki"  
"Of course. This time it's your own flesh and blood. Don't get me wrong, Molly is a part of our 'family' but..."  
"It's not quite the same"  
"Bryan was our best friend... Gillian is your wife and my cousin. I think we can be a little more selfish this time"  
"She's so beautiful"  
"You're going to be a great dad, Shane"  
"Thanks Kian"  
"I'm going to go and check on Gillian, when I was there before the whole family was around and I couldn't get a word in"  
"Tell her I'll be there in a little while..."  
"Ok... You stay here and gush over your daughter"  
"I will"

Shane watched as Kian disappeared down the hall before turning back to the nursery. Baby Nicole had fallen asleep. Shane couldn't stop the smile that lit up his entire face. There was no other feeling in the world like it. Looking at something so tiny, knowing you were a part of the reason why they existed. He finally understood everything Bryan had ever told him about fatherhood.

Several more minutes passed before he finally stepped away from the glass. He moved back and sat down in a chair opposite the room. He leaned back against the wall and sighed. He knew Gillian would be expecting him back any minute but he couldn't bring himself to move. Besides, she was surrounded by her family and his. They could all survive without him for a few more minutes.

He stifled a yawn and thought back over the hectic day. Both of his parents and Gillian's had been in the waiting room during the birth. Kian had also been there and Mark had stopped by with Kevin to see Nicole. Most of his brothers and sisters had come by. These were his first few moments alone since his daughter had been born and he was thankful for these few moments... But one thing was tugging at his heart.

Nicky.

Shane's best friend and band-mate had yet to show himself at the hospital. 

He closed his eyes and instantly pictured his friends face. He remembered the crestfallen look in Nicky's eyes when Shane had told him Gillian was pregnant. His mind then filled with nothing but images of Nicky. Nicky, when Shane had told him he couldn't be the best man at his wedding. Nicky, when Shane told him he was engaged to Gillian. Nicky upset, hurt, devestated.

Then his mind leaped to other memories and his heart began to pound. As he remembered Nicky, the first time after they kissed. The first time they made love. The first time he had told Nicky he loved him.

Shane loved Gillian. For as long as he could remember, he had known that Gillian was the woman he was meant to spend the rest of his life with. But Shane also loved Nicky. He had known in his heart, the first time they met, that they were meant to be together. Shane and Gillian had been high school sweethearts. They had planned on getting married right after graduation but both decided to go to college first. They had agreed to wait until they had both finished college before considering marriage. Their plans changed once Westlife started and they both went their seperate ways. They kept in touch, mostly through Kian. Gillian dated on and off but it was never serious.

One night, while on tour, Shane and Nicky had gone out drinking together. Shane had been eager for a night off. Nicky had had an argument with Georgina and had been looking for a distraction. The following morning, Shane woke up in Nicky's bed. The next night, he went to sleep in Nicky's bed. They never told the other lads about their nights of passion. They simply enjoyed being with each other while on tour. Nicky remained in a relationship with Georgina and eventually, Shane and Gillian ended up reuniting. Shane never told Gillian of his nights with Nicky and Nicky never told Georgina. Eventually, they realised it was too hard to keep a secret. Mark caught them in Shane's room one ight and they ended it. Nicky proposed to Georgina and Shane proposed to Gillian.

On the eve of Nicky's wedding, Nicky had gone to Shane's hotel room. He didn't know what possessed him to go there but he did. They made love for over an hour that night and never spoke of it again. On the eve of Shane's wedding, Shane found himself anxiously awaiting Nicky's arrival. He knew it was wrong but still he waited. Yet Nicky never showed. With a sinking heart, Shane knew it was finally over between the two of them. He hated himself for wanting to be with someone else the night before his wedding. He hated Nicky for not coming to him. He hated himself for still loving Nicky. The two of them made love in the bathroom during the reception instead. Shane had excused himself to use the restroom and found Nicky inside. Without saying a word, Shane had locked the door, thrown Nicky against the wall and fucked him. The guilt kicked in before they had even left the bathroom. They didn't speak to each other for the rest of the night.... and hadn't been intimate since.

"You named her after me..." a soft voice filled the hall.  
"Gillian thinks she's named after an aunt" Shane replied.

Shane felt Nicky's hand on his shoulder. He couldn't bring himself to pull away. Instead, he placed his own hand on top of Nicky's.

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier" Nicky began. "I just..."  
"Didn't know if you wanted to?" Shane asked.  
"I still love you, Shane"  
"I know"  
"Do you still...?" Shane quickly placed his hand over Nicky's mouth.  
"Shh... Don't ask questions that you already know the answer to"  
"Shane-"  
"And yes" Shane whispered. "She is named after you"

Nicky smiled to himself. He then stood up and walked over to the glass window. Shane appeared at his side and placed his hand on Nicky's elbow. 

"Second row" Shane said. "First on the left"  
"She's perfect" Nicky replied. "Just like her father"

Shane averted his eyes and looked down at the ground. His heart was trully breaking. For a moment, he couldn't bring himself to look at Nicky. Or his own daughter. He felt a hand slide into his own.

It felt so right yet so wrong.

The next thing he knew, he was being pulled away from the nursery. Nicky pushed open the door to a supply closet and forced Shane inside. Before Shane could react, Nicky closed the door and pinned him against the wall.  
"Nicky-" Shane began.  
Nicky pressed his lips against Shane's, forcing his tongue inside younger man's mouth. Shane instantly reacted. He threw his arms around the blonde, returning the kiss with intense passion. He held Nicky tightly and changed their position, pushing the blonde against the door. He tore his lips away from Nicky's and started trailing kisses down his neck.

Nicky groaned and slid his hands down Shane's back. He gripped Shane's firm ass and pulled the brunette's body closer to his own. Shane felt his hardness rubbing against Nicky's and instantly pulled away. Nicky gasped as Shane pulled away from him. The young brunette had leaped away, as though he'd been electricly shocked.

"Shane!" Nicky gasped.  
"Nicky..." Shane whispered. "No, this is wrong"  
"Want you inside me"  
"Nicky! NO!!!"

Shane moved as far away from Nicky as he possibly could. He pressed himself up against the far wall and looked at his lover.

"Nicky, we can't go on like this" Shane began.  
"Why not?" Nicky replied.  
"Be... Because... It's wrong... It's all wrong"  
"How can love be wrong?"  
"Nicky... I love you but I love Gillian too. And I can't keep doing this to her. If she knew what we were doing in here, it would kill her. If she found out what we've done behind her back... I can't live with the guilt! Nicky... We made love at my wedding!"  
"You... We wanted to"  
"I know... And I'm sorry but I can't. I can't do this. Not today"  
"Shane..."  
"Nicky, making love to someone else on your wedding day is bad enough... But my wife has just given birth to my daughter! And... And I need to be with them today. Not you"

Shane turned on his heel and opened the door. The hall was empty when he stepped out. He closed the door behind him and made his way back to Gillian's side.

*****

Late that night, Shane parked his car in the driveway. He climbed out of his BMW and made his way inside the house. Gillian was spending the night at the hospital so Shane was on his own. The house was so quiet and dark. Shane made his way into his bedroom. He turned the light on and the stereo then turned to collapse on his bed.

But the bed was occupied.

"I'm always going to love you, Shane" Nicky whispered.  
"I'm not asking you to stop" Shane replied.  
"I can't stop... And neither can you?"  
"Is that a fact... or a question?"  
"Which do you want it to be?"

Shane crossed the room and climbed onto the bed beside Nicky. He reached out and gently sroked the blonde's cheek. Nicky placed his hand on top of Shane's and closed his eyes. He gently kissed Shane's palm. The younger boy leaned closer and captured Nicky's lips with his own. The couple exchanged several, long, intimate kisses.

"I'm sorry for pushing you away today" Shane said.  
"It's okay" Nicky replied. "I know why you did it"  
"Is that why you're here now?"  
"I didn't want you to be mad at me. It was wrong of me to come on to you while your daughter was sleeping a few feet away"  
"I... uh... I was waiting for you actually"  
"You were? Why?"  
"Because you've been with me during the good times and the bad times. All of my happiest memories have you in them.... And the birth of my first child is a very happy memory. I... I'm glad you were there to be a part of it.... And I'm glad you're here now"

Nicky smiled and quickly kissed Shane's lips. Shane smiled down at the blonde. He then climbed off the bed and reached for the phone. He quickly dialled the number for the hospital. He quickly said goodnight to his wife and hung up. When he got off the phone, Nicky was smiling at him.

"What?" Shane asked.  
"I was just thinking about you..." Nicky replied. "Papa Shane"  
Shane smiled.  
"Yeah... I'm a daddy. I have a daughter. I... I helped to create a life. A real, living person. Who's going to grow... and one day look up to me"  
"You're going to make a great dad"  
"I sure hope so"

Nicky reached out and took Shane into his arms. The blonde pulled the brunette down onto the mattress. Shane returned the embrace as the couple lay in silence on the bed.

"I really want to make love to you" Shane whispered, softly rubbing his hand along Nicky's back.  
"I know you do" Nicky replied. "But that's not why I came here tonight"  
"Nix?"  
"I just want to hold you tonight. None of that, 'while the cat's away the mice will play'. Gillian is at the hospital. And you were right to stop our fooling around today. But I wanted to be here for you tonight. You've had a long day so we're just going to hold each other tonight"  
"I'm really glad you're here"  
"I'm glad I'm here too"

Shane rested his head on Nicky's chest and closed his eyes. Nicky reached out and turned the light off. He grabbed the remote for the stereo and turned the volume down. He wasn't tired but he didn't want the music to stop Shane from sleeping. Deep down, Nicky knew it was wrong to be here. He knew he shouldn't be keeping Gillian's bed warm while she was in the hospital but being with Shane just felt so right... Even at a time like this.

"I love you" Shane whispered.  
"I love you too" Nicky whispered.

Nicky knew the guilt would kick in eventually but for now he'd simply enjoy holding his lover in his arms. In the morning, they'd act like this never happened. It was just easier that way. They found it easier to hide in plain sight if they never talked about their 'relationship' as they were always more careful when they didn't talk about it.

Shane opened his eyes and listened to the sound of Nicky's heart beating. He knew the guilt would kick in soon but he didn't really care. Right now, he was enjoying being in Nicky's arms. He also knew it wouldn't be long before they would have to stop this. 'Cheating' on his wife was one thing but betraying his daughter was another.... It was simply something he just couldn't do.  
He loved Nicky with all his heart but deep down, he feared this would be the last time they would be together. But he also knew it was the right thing to do. He couldn't lead Nicky on much longer but he couldn't destroy his family either.

Shane closed his eyes once more and quickly fell asleep, safe in his lovers arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site): 5th February 2006


End file.
